When I was asked to design this website, I jumped at it thinking only of the fact that I needed work and it was work. I didn't look beyond that simple fact to what the content would be, and the journey I would be taking to provide that content. As is my usual workflow, I set out immediately to get a feel for what I was doing by scouring the web to see what others had done with the same subject matter. When I started out, it had not occurred to me that I had drifted far from where I had been even a short two years ago when my business was young and the projects were few and far between.
I did not enter the business/work world until a 6 years ago. Instead, I struggled for most of my life to hold on to "old fashioned values" of the type that was fundamental to a Christian lifestyle when I was first married 30 years ago. I stayed home to raise children, to tend the house and my husband. My faith was always strong, and always in the forefront as I watched my peers head off to the work world and settled into my own routine as housewife and mother. It was not until my children grew and moved from our home to their own apartments, to their own lives, that the possibility of taking an outside job came into being.
I quickly found out that it is not an easy task for someone at my age to move gracefully into the work force. I married as a the very young age of 17, my 17 th birthday to be exact, and the option had never been there to have a job. Having gained an extensive knowledge of the internet in researching my family's genealogy, and having "played" with web site design in the course of that research, it didn't take me long to realize that this was the perfect job for me. I buried myself in books and resources for learning all that I could about programming languages, HTML design, and general web savvy. Before long, my business was born and like most new businesses, was slow to take off. Through all this I retained my Christian identity and prayed that my business would be a success.
As the business took off and more and more projects came in, I am ashamed to say that I was so happy to have real work that I forgot why I had the work. Call it backsliding if you will, but the very thing I prayed for happened and I did not even acknowledge it. I slipped comfortably into the work and slipped unnoticed from the very source of my good fortune. Too often my devotion to what was so strong in my life was overshadowed by pride in my accomplishment.
I was so sure of myself, and so sure that it was that I was just "so good" at what I do, that when I had some difficulty getting started on this project, even getting past the initial research, it took me completely by surprise. Instantly, I was sure that I had lost any ability I had and spent several sleepless nights worrying and fretting about how I would get it back. This evening, it came to me. My loss of creativity, my sudden inability to work on this site or any site with any effectiveness was a wake up call !
How could I, as devout as I had been, as certain as I was that I was leading a nearly perfect life in Christ, lose sight of that? How could I forget He who through all blessings flow? He had given me this gift, this ability to work and love my work, and in my ingratitude, it was taken from me! In tears, I begged for forgiveness.
I don't know if my ability will be returned to me, but somehow I suspect it will. For now I have a new obligation. It is the obligation to remind all not to take the gifts given you through prayer for granted. Never lose sight of why those gifts were given. They are valuable and should be handled with the utmost of care. They were entrusted to you and could just as easily be taken away.
Pray.
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